Attitude of Gratitude: Day 50

Well, here it is. The last day of the gratitude challenge. All along, I've felt this final post needed to be pretty significant. Actually, it wasn't hard to decide what to say. Next to my family, my friends, and my testimony, there's one thing I cherish more than anything else. It's a gift my Heavenly Father gave me, and I'm grateful for it all the time. No matter how insane it sometimes makes me.

I'm grateful for my passion to write.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a genius writer. I'm not saying I'll ever be published (though I sure hope I will be). I'm not even saying I'm grateful for my talent for writing. I'm saying I'm grateful for my passion for it. Which is an entirely different thing.

Writing lights me up like nothing else does. It sparks something in me nothing else can. Sometimes when I think about all the stacks of books I have around my house, I'm a bit alarmed by the way I hunger after them. Until I remember what's behind it. It's not the reader in me that hungers after those books as if I could never get filled. It's the writer in me. Every book, regardless of genre, regardless of quality, is a lesson. The reader in me likes them too, but I want to be the best writer I can be and that's what drives it. Those books are my university.

Writing drives me crazy sometimes. If you doubt it, ask my husband. He'll tell you. A writer's life is full of self-doubt, fear, frustration, and legitimate lunacy. I thought getting over the hurdle of writing my first real book would cure me of it, but no. There are days when I'm so frustrated with whatever storyline I'm wrangling that I'll think to myself "I can't do it! I just don't know how to write a book!"

Never mind that I've already done it.

Apparently, this is normal. I follow a few author blogs and read many author interviews. More than once, I've heard another author say they struggle with the same thing. Honestly, it wasn't very comforting to realize that this fear and self-doubt pretty much never goes away. Even after publishing a book. Even after publishing several. Every book is a new battle to fight.

So why do it? And why be grateful for this madness?

Oh man. Because the exhilaration when everything is going right is pure, unadulterated ecstasy. The creation of a character you can't help but fall in love with, the turn of phrase that reflects real life with shimmering perfection, the plot twist that surprises even the writer who created it... these are the moments for which we writers live.

When everything's clicking, the world falls away. Even the room I'm in and the desk I'm working on disappear from my awareness. The only thing that exists is the pure act of creation.

Pure bliss.

The Lord blesses each of us with talents. I'm a firm believer in this. We each have something unique to contribute. For some it's the ability to be a good leader or to puzzle out a scientific problem. For some it's the ability to see the good in everyone they come in contact with - to make others feel that unconditional love and acceptance. (I've known a few people like this, and it's the most godly talent I know.) I try not to envy others their talents, because I think the Lord gives us exactly what we need. Exactly what will give us the most joy.

I love to write. I love that nothing stands in the way of my writing except myself. I don't have to leave my kids to the mercy of day care or have a ton of money to do it. If I can afford a notebook and some pens, I can afford to write. If I can carve out five minutes in a day, I have time to write. If I can become a better person by learning to face my fears and keep writing anyway, then I'm okay with that too.

It all comes down to the joy of the process. That's something I've always had, and will always have, no matter what happens.

It's something for which I am deeply, profoundly grateful.

Now I want to hear from you. Following the spirit of "nothing obvious," tell me, if you were to do a gratitude challenge and it came to the last day, what would you write about?