Girly Screams of Terror

Well, since we are without a digital camera (for now) I'm hard-pressed to come up with new blog entries. So I'm stealing one from my blog on the weight-loss site I'm on...


So this morning I stepped out of our side carport door to go put clothes in the dryer (we have an outdoor laundry room) and I see this huge wasp hovering about six inches from my face. (Insert girly scream of terror here) I run back in the house and slam the door shut and decide the laundry can wait.

About two hours later I remember I still have to put the clothes in the dryer, but I also need to water my roses in the backyard. So I go out the back door, water the roses, and then go through the gate to get to the laundry room. Ahead of me is the side carport door and nearby is, guess what, that stinkin wasp. Now, I don't even know the last time I saw a wasp around here, so why is one suddenly hanging out by the door I must go in and out of at least a dozen times a day?

I look at the top of the door frame and find my answer. It's a momma wasp. And she's building a nest.

Well, that's just not going to fly.

So I start putting the clothes in the dryer and begin forming my plan of attack which will not include, I hope, me getting stung.

Then I hear the carport door open. My three-year old has decided to come out and join me. I rush out and see the door about three inches open. I can't see Chris because he is still inside and the door opens away from where I'm standing, but I can see the wasp just fine and she's VERY near the opening. "Close the door, honey, quick!" I say. "Quick, quick, quick." He shuts the door, but not quick enough, and now he and momma wasp are in the house together. (Insert unflattering explitive here.)

So I go running to the door, more girly screams of terror start echoing through the house (this time from my three-year old), and in a flurry of panic and confusion I get Chris to a place of safety.

With a great deal of stealth and armed with a can of Raid, I go hunting for the wasp which is still in my house somewhere. I manage to find it, spray it with the Raid while doing some weird ducking and lunging, and end up watching it die in convulsions on my window ledge. It's oddly satisfying.

But now for the nest. Years ago I caught a wasp in the process of building a nest (it looks like a little mound of hardened dirt if you've never seen one - like a termite hill or something) and I just knocked it down with the broom handle. It was all hollow inside and crumbled to dust. No biggie.

But not this nest. Oh no. THIS nest was FILLED with little eggs. "UUUGGGHHH!" I say when I first see them, "Gross!"

"Yeah," Chris says. "Gross."

I keep knocking it down, not so successfully suppressing my shudders of revulsion. "Nasty!"

"Yeah, nasty."

So then the nest is all in pieces and I have all these little eggs on my carport. As I go to sweep them up I see that some of them had either started to hatch or were forced to hatch by their encounter with my broom handle. All these little legs are sticking out and they look like tiny white spiders with great big butts. I like spiders about as much as I like wasps. (I like big butts even less, thus my membership on this site.) I sprayed the eggs and all the freaky little babies, just in case, then swept them away. Then I sprayed where the nest used to be, just for good measure.

The whole experience was totally disgusting.

So here's my question. If I do a Google search, do you think it will tell me how many calories you burn when you chase down and kill a mommy wasp, then massacre her disgusting little brood?

Just curious.