Blogs are curious things.
My blog shows one little slice of my life. It's a very true slice, but if it's all you know about me, it gives a very skewed picture. Reading back over my entries, there's only a tiny hint of what this year has been for me. To be brief (and blunt) October through March was pure hell. March to now hasn't been as horrible, but it's still been extremely difficult. Truth be told, this is turning out to be a pivotal time in my life. There's been only one other time, eleven years ago, that changed me as deeply as this year has.
Most of the things I've been dealing with (and there have been several) are of the sort that I'm not going to talk about them on a blog. Or even with most of the people I know. Some people know one or two things, but very few know the whole story. And that's fine by me. I'm not saying any of this to whine or get sympathy.
My point is, sometimes I feel like these blog posts are a lie. The Carolina's one is a good example (and why I felt I had to write this post). Everything in the Carolina's post was true and we did enjoy ourselves. But what I didn't say was that the situation that prompted us to go was pretty serious, and that taking pictures for the blog was a grateful distraction from the somber events we were there to discuss. And truthfully, it was no where near the most stressful thing I've dealt with - I'm not trying to make it sound like it was life-changing or anything.
Still, I have zero desire to talk about any of those things here, but omitting all that makes the afternoon sound like a playful romp and nothing more. It makes me feel dishonest.
A good friend of mine made a comment to me about the discrepancy between this blog and my actual life. She's right. I've thought about this before. I'm not trying to be deceitful or paint a false picture. I'm just keeping private things private and leaving the rest. I know I'm not alone in this. But I feel funny about it sometimes. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
Edit: Just to clarify, my friend was not saying that in a negative way at all. It was just an observation - she was by no means the source of my guilt. I did that all on my own. ;)
7 comments:
I can totally relate to feeling that way. When describing MY blog to people, I've often used the word "superficial." I keep it based on stupid things that might be on the surface, but rarely dig into anything too deep or meaningful. I think that's ok. It's my blog and I can do what I want with it. Don't change a THING about yours, Donna. It's perfect just the way you want it. And I don't think that's lying at all. You're not being fake; you're just sharing what you want, and not what you don't.
I remember when I first started my blog - I went into it thinking that I didn't want it to be superficial - because I felt like so many are - they never show the true picture - or perhaps that is the true picture and I wanted to let people know that some people's lives are a mess (mine) and that if by chance their lives were a mess too, then they wouldn't feel so alone. Does that make sense?
And then I started to blog . . .and I too became "superficial" sugarcoating things, only reporting on things that were very "surface-y," never delving too deep. I think I do that because I don't want sympathy and sometimes I don't even want comments. My friendship post started out with "no comments" allowed and then I changed it.
I also think it would scare people if they saw the "real" me. Really. At the same time, though, I feel badly that no one really knows me and I'm scared that if they did I would have zero friends or friends that just felt sorry for me all the time.
You're not lying. No one is lying. We are our own journalists - reporting on what we want to report on. Nothing at all wrong with that. I think most of us know that there is more to us than a few blog entries.
Wow, I knew things were really hard for you for the past year, but maybe I didn't know just how hard. I feel bad for not being there more or doing more to lighten your burden.
Personally I really HOPE that people aren't as great as their blogs suggest. Sometimes reading other peoples blogs gives me a complex or a bad self esteem because I think of how great that person looks and how crappy I feel most of the time. I have to remind myself while reading other people's blogs that they have their trials too.
And I totally agree with everything Roccy said about not wanting people to see the real me, and how crazy I am.
I think that is totally understandable to not pour your heart out and tell the and truth. I don't look at it as deceitful but maybe protective. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to show it all through your blog. I think most of us in the blogging community realize that there are more to people's blogs. There are hidden stories in all of our lives. There are horrible days, weeks, even years.
But, to me, blogging is not the stage to share that type of stuff anyway. I go to blogging to keep a record of things, to share funny stories, to document my kids activities/accomplishments, to remember my trips, etc. And when I read others I enjoy seeing the same thing. Who wants to go and read about everyone's problems? I don't judge people for sharing superficial things, or only the good things. There's nothing wrong with that. They don't need to answer to me about how happy they are/aren't in their life through their blog. If they want to share anything with me or need advice they can call me or talk to me in a different setting.
Maybe blogging doesn't depict reality. But is that really so bad? Is it harming anything? I don't think so. We all know that we all have trials. Some may have more right now than others but we all, at some point, will have hard times. If people would rather use blogging as an outlet to share what is good (even if its only the very little good they can find in their lives right then) then I think they should. Its not superficial, its coping.
(P.S. Having said all that if there is anything I can do for YOU I would love to help. . . even if its just knowing that you have a friend who supports you) :)
I have read all of the comments that are posted and I agree with all of these sweet people! But with that said....You are most definetly not superficial!
Write what you feel comfortable writing and nothing more. Don't beat yourself up or take others remarks that your blog doesn't reflect your life. I personally think that is crap. You share what you want to share. We all have struggles and issues that don't need to be discussed in the blogging community.
I love your blog....I don't know your struggles that your dealing with, but I'm smart enough to realize that you have them just as much as the next person.
I hope I didn't come across as saying that your blog was superficial, because it most certainly is not! I check your blog multiple times a day to see if you have new posts. They are always wonderful to read and I look forward to them! I see nothing wrong or deceitful with finding the good in a situation (like Carolina's and their giant tortillas). We don't need to know all the gory details if you don't want to share them. I think that's what journals are for.
I think most of us are aware of the disclaimer that our blogs don't always depict the real crux of our lives . . . but it does give us a peek at what you're up to and what you feel like sharing.
I like and agree with the comments on here. People blog for different reasons and since its your blog you get to decide what your purpose is. I started my blog as a way to keep in touch with my family, and now its still for that, but it is also a record for us. I dont scrap book, so I blog in replacement of that, and since when do scrapbooks capture all the struggles, or sorrow of our lives? They seem to fill in the in between stuff. I dont share a lot of the deeply profound things either- (I like to keep those treasured up in my heart as well) but I do share things I want my kids to know about when they look back at our blog book several years from now and remember the different times in our/their lives. But since I dont share certain things on the blog, that doesnt mean that my blog is deceitful. It has its purpose in keeping a record of certain things, while being able to have my parents and siblings know what we are up to.
With all that said though, when I used to have a little more time on my hands, I would blogsurf, and many times over, I would come across a blog in which someone did share their heartache and struggles and i think part of their purpose in writing was a way to let some of their built up overwhelmingness out. But those blogs are the ones that deeply touch me. I have cried and prayed for complete strangers. My testimony has grown from reading the experiences of others that I dont even know because they were able to share their heartaches.
So we all blog for different reasons obviously, and I love reading what you write. And if there is anything I/we (Daniel could still be called your home teacher you know-just one thats a little further away) can do for you and or your family-(even if you want a place to run away to for a weekend ;)) I would hope you know we are here for you.
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