The boys are in counseling now. I've looked into grief groups for kids and there's a great one here in the Valley, but because of the way they do orientations we won't be able to take advantage of it before we move. I'll find them something in Boise.
Shortly after Brian passed away, a friend gave us a copy of the book Tear Soup.
It's a magnificent illustrated children's book about the grieving process, which my boys have read again and again. I highly recommend it for grieving children of any age. If you want to see the review I wrote about this book for Summit Series for Families, go here. I share a personal experience we've had with this book on my America Jane site. You can read about the boys' favorite part of Tear Soup here.
I also purchased three Angelcatcher books, which are journals/memory books for the kids to make to help remember their dad.
It has pages for filling in memories, the lost loved one's favorite things, wishes, feelings, etc. I wasn't sure if the kids would like that or not, but they do and John says it helps.
Because there's not a lot of room for photos in the Angelcatcher book, I also bought them little photo albums for pictures of their dad. We just barely got those and haven't yet begun the process of sorting through photos. If anyone has pictures of Brian and/or Brian and the boys they want to share, please let me know.
It says: "RIP for Dad"
Little acts like this seem to help the boys. They do what they can to remember him.
On November 1, John learned about the Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos) in school. This is when you make a little memorial for the person who died, with their favorite foods and flowers. Then there's traditional elements like salt and candles. It's meant to be a celebration, and not a sad thing.
I also purchased three Angelcatcher books, which are journals/memory books for the kids to make to help remember their dad.
It has pages for filling in memories, the lost loved one's favorite things, wishes, feelings, etc. I wasn't sure if the kids would like that or not, but they do and John says it helps.
Because there's not a lot of room for photos in the Angelcatcher book, I also bought them little photo albums for pictures of their dad. We just barely got those and haven't yet begun the process of sorting through photos. If anyone has pictures of Brian and/or Brian and the boys they want to share, please let me know.
The change in my children's lives and the magnitude of their loss will manifest itself at random times and in sometimes unexpected ways. When we were making haunted cookie houses for Halloween, John made this:
It says: "RIP for Dad"
Little acts like this seem to help the boys. They do what they can to remember him.
On November 1, John learned about the Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos) in school. This is when you make a little memorial for the person who died, with their favorite foods and flowers. Then there's traditional elements like salt and candles. It's meant to be a celebration, and not a sad thing.
John decided he wanted to do this for his dad and he was really excited about it. So we scraped our plans for the evening (including homework) and went to the store to gather all Brian's favorite items. We cleared off the top of the entertainment center and assembled a feast. We had dinner in celebration of Brian: brauts, hot dogs, chips, shrimp. Mmmm.
So, that's where we are. The holidays are coming and we talk together about how to make them easier. John actually came up with a great idea for Halloween. For the first time we decorated the car for Trunk or Treat. The kids had a great time with that. Actually, that entire weekend was a lot of fun, although trick or treating was hard for John because he was missing his dad. But overall it was a good holiday, in large part because of John's idea. We'll see what we can come up with for future holidays.
It's hard to know what to do for my boys sometimes. When Brian and I divorced, I felt like I knew what to do to guide my kids through that trial, because I'd been through it myself as a child. I knew how they felt. I could relate.
This is different. I really have no idea what they're going through, other than what I'm reading or have been told. I don't know how it feels for them. That makes it difficult for me as a mother. But I trust that the Lord is mindful of them, and me, and that we'll get through this day by day, week by week, year by year.
It takes a very long time to heal from something like this, but I have hope that they will. For all of you who have given so much love and support to the boys (and myself) over the past two months, thank you so much.
It's hard to know what to do for my boys sometimes. When Brian and I divorced, I felt like I knew what to do to guide my kids through that trial, because I'd been through it myself as a child. I knew how they felt. I could relate.
This is different. I really have no idea what they're going through, other than what I'm reading or have been told. I don't know how it feels for them. That makes it difficult for me as a mother. But I trust that the Lord is mindful of them, and me, and that we'll get through this day by day, week by week, year by year.
It takes a very long time to heal from something like this, but I have hope that they will. For all of you who have given so much love and support to the boys (and myself) over the past two months, thank you so much.
